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We want all children to be happy.
But, sometimes, we know they are not.
It is important to listen to your children and teach them to be active listeners and problem solvers. Learning these skills will help them communicate their feelings and develop good relationship skills. Active listening is made up of several parts. 1. Listen quietly and attentively. Stop everything you are doing and look at your child. 2. Acknowledge their feelings with a minimum of words; yes, I see to let them know you are listening without interrupting their flow of thoughts. 3. Give their feeling a name. That sounds frustrating. I imagine you felt proud. Young children havent learned to use their words to describe feelings. 4. Dont judge their perception at this point. This helps you see how they view the situation. So often, this really helps to clarify the problem. 5. Show your child how to express feelings in a non-judgmental way, using I- statements. I feel__________ when you__________. This will model how to initiate communication for conflict resolution, the most frequent source of problems among children and their friends. Now that your child has vented his or her feelings, they have cooled off enough to begin problem solving. This is an important skill for all children to learn. Not only does it help in conflict resolution, but it is useful for any decision making. 1. Listening is the first step. Listen for feelings; listen for what each party needs in the situation. At this point, clarify the real situation in case there is a mis-perception. 2. Brainstorm solutions. Do not evaluate or judge suggestions at this point. Sometimes an idea that is not the best will lead to another idea that is a good one. Parents can help by writing down suggestions. 3. Now analyze each choice. Always think ahead about consequences: What might happen if I choose this one? 4. Pick a solution. The child with the problem should make the choice. If the problem is between two children and they are both brainstorming, then they both have to agree that they are willing to support the choice. 5. Try the solution. Give a reasonable time for the choice to work. If it doesgreatcongratulate the child or children for solving the problem. If it doesnt,.mistakes are for learning. That way doesnt work, try another solution. It is important for children to know that you are their helper. You take their concerns seriously; you will listen to them and guide them until you know they can handle problem solving on their own. As children learn to recognize and express feelings appropriately, listen to others feelings and solve problems as they arise, they will feel more confident and grow both emotionally and socially.
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